"No woman should ever be made to fear that she was not enough."

⭐⭐⭐⭐

5 weeks and 6 books later, yeah who knew I had that in me? Not me to be honest. It was a long time since I read this much in such a short amount of time, I have been loving it for sure but I would be lying if I didn't say that when I immerse myself so completely like this I am unable to do anything other than that thing, so films, tv, friends and social media really has been left on the shelf while I have been flipping pages with an unstoppable passion. I become singleminded in my obsessions and I just forget about things. So I'm taking a little bit of a break from reading, at least with this fervent passion I've had going on, my brain needs this. 

Okay, so to The Pirory.

I love this book. There is so much good in it. I was hesitant to start with it, because it is massive and high fantasy and that was intimidating to me. But I soldiered on during those early pages and once I started to get the hang of how everything was connected, and operated and the characters and their relations it started to just get easier and easier and it was a hard book to put down for sure. I fell in love, slow and first and then head over heels. What's not to love about sapphic romance, dragons and badass women?

The book is divided into 4 different points of views, Ead, Loth, Tane and Niclays. I took to Ead's pov immediately, I loved her because she is absolutely unapologetically a badass throughout the whole book, tender, stubborn and clever, I loved her above all else. Her chapters were about the Inysh court, the battles for power, the political intrigue and about falling in love above your station. It ticked all my boxes. I like Loth too, I do enjoy a throughly good guy from time to time, there are not many of those left in this world it feels like sometimes. But he joins the list of comedy males, Jake, Jonah, Ben etc, you know what kind of character Loth is then. He most of everyone in this story really is forced through some emotional ups and downs, particularly when it comes to his faith and I enjoyed that journey immensely. Niclays story is sad, I felt for him a lot and when that was slowly mapped out and applied to his actions a lot of what he chose to do in the beginning made a lot of sense to me. But his story grew less interesting towards the end, as Tane's who I have struggled the most with grew better. It's with Tane's arc this book misses the mark because it was so uneven and I often found myself looking ahead to see how many pages I had left of her chapters. It gets better towards the end, but it really doesn't happen way into like 600 pages, which is too long for me. 

But to some things that I loved then, the normalisation of queer relationships, badass women and female friendships, nuanced and complicated women, found family, the friendships that feel immensely rich and beautiful, the arcs, the world and a lot of scenes in between. My favourite the thing is probably the absolute lack of homophobia, it is so refreshing as well as the absence of rape and gratuitous violence towards women that has basically become representative of the fantasy genre in a voyeuristic way that makes my skin crawl. This made my heart sing instead. This has for sure set the standards extremely high for me going forward and I'm not sure how I am going to be able to read in this genre again without feeling disappointed or let down in some way? 

The 4 star I gave is due to the fact that I think it has a little bit of a pacing issue, some things feel a little too uneven to me, character interactions feel rushed, sometimes everything is too slow and then it is suddenly too quick the next chapter and I think maybe it should have been two books? It doesn't matter, and I have some more things that made me a little bit annoyed, but those are spoilery things that I am keeping away from here so I won't say what they are. And at the end of the day this world is so intricate and complicated, and I love the religious conflict being at the forefront of their problems and trust issues, it feels unusual to me. I can't wait for Sammantha to write more, I can't wait to come back to this story and hopefully get a proper ending for some of them. 

And so, here we are. About 4 weeks later since I said I was going to embark on a reading marathon after the internet blew up with excitement about the Shadow and Bone trailer. Did I think I was going to make it? I mean yeah probably, but did I doubt it at times? For sure. Yet, here we are and I am done, *queue celebration song*.

Good job me.

So I will direct you to my instagram where I have written in more detail about my reading venture of Shadow and Bone, but my feelings about the whole trilogy is lukewarm at best I would say. I liked some things, was disappointed by some more and found the second one to be a massive snooze fest.

This though, my god, these two books changed me. Lol, okay they didn't, but goddamnit if I didn't have tears pouring down my cheeks the other day when I finished Crooked Kingdom. 

I did find Six of Crows, which is the first book, to be a little slow. I am not going to lie. I took to the world immediately though, I love Ketterdam (Amsterdam really) as the setting for the murky, dirty and unsafe streets, the darkness of the barrel and just the overall tone which is completely different to Shadow and Bone. Shadow and Bone has all that chosen one nonsense, which I find to be a little bit tiresome at times, while this one is about a bunch of kids trying to survive a harsh world instead, no one is 'special' (I mean they are all great), and they do what they need to survive. 

But yes, I didn't love Six of Crows until we got to Nina's point of view, or really until we got on the ship to Fjerda, then shit kicked off and the pages started to fill with anticipation and excitement, some worry to and some eyerolling on my end for sure. But yes, after the first 50-70 pages or so, it gets real. My most controversial opinion after reading this one though, and I will use the word was hehe, was that I wasn't a fan of Mr. Kaz Brekker, the internet's favourite problematic criminal. There was something there of course, but to me he just came off as a dick and a bully who was at times unnecessarily cruel and harsh to his crew of people all with their own set of issues and trauma. While they had all managed to form somewhat healthy relationships between one another though, he was cold and distant. And he has his reasons, I get that, but it still bugged the hell out of me, especially when he was a dick towards Nina or Jesper, the two who were my absolute faves of course. 

I gave Six of Crows 4 stars and I think it suffers at times because the chapters are crammed with dialogue and plot, it actually made me forgot whose povs we were in at times because it's so outwardly focused on what is going on rather than internally. Jesper suffers from this, Kaz suffers too in my opinion and their relationship annoyed me so much in this book. Inej too a little bit as well actually and I didn't come to fully appreciate her beautiful, serene and wise take of the world and her life until Crooked Kingdom. All my previous opinions of this changed in the second one where there is a lot more time spent on character development, growth and how the dynamic between them to expand even more. It's why I fell head over heels into the second one and why I won't forget it anytime soon. There is some exceptional moments in this that completely wrecked me, like I can't put into words what they did to me, but UGH how???? How am I meant to recover?

I shall stay free of spoilers I think, I might talk about them when the show comes out and the comparisons ultimately and unwillingly will commence. But I love this bunch of queers criminals, it's a book that says eat the rich and it ticked all my emotional boxes. It's a testament to Leigh's writing and evolvement too that these are so good and that she has created such complex and rich characters all across the board that I cared about ALL of them. Yes you heard that right, all of them. That rarely happens.

Thank you Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Nina, Matthias and Wylan for letting me inhabit your world. I will miss you all.

No mourners, no funerals.

Six Of Crows: ⭐⭐⭐⭐       Crooked Kingdom: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 I briefly mentioned that I'm doing a reading marathon of Shadow and Bone trilogy + the duology books called Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom before the netflix adaption tv shows comes out at some point during mid April. Yep I know, I don't totally know what I have chosen to embark on and so on, but I've already finished the first trilogy book and read about 1/3 of the second. I'm doing pretty well for myself basically.

Surrounded by enemies, the once great nation of Ravka has been torn in two by the Shadow Fold, a swath of near impenetrable darkness crawling with monsters who feasts on human flesh. Alina Starkov has never been good at anything in her life but when her regiment is attacked on the fold and her best friend brutally injured she reveals a dormant power that saves his life, making her realise that the power could be the key to setting her war raged country free. 

⭐⭐⭐  

This is the first fantasy book that I have read in 10+ years or so and yep I have been away from this genre for a long time now. On the plus side I am doing well on my promise to read more fantasy this year and when I've finished this reading marathon I will have read 5 fantasy books, not bad for a gal who don't venture into made up worlds no more. 

So, while this book is so abundantly YA at times it's almost a little grating, I did still find myself getting drawn into the world of Ravka, the magic and the politics reigning inside of it. It's definitely the best part of the first book and I really did wish it spent much more time on that part of it and less on Alina's relationship with Mal or the Darkling because those are just way less interesting. 

But one can't have everything in this world so I had to make due with this.

Once I started to get the hang of everything, the map, the eastern European/Russian inspired cities and the goddamn Grisha orders and groups it was actually a really easy and quick book to get through. I admire that despite the characters sometimes feeling a little paper thin or not fleshed out enough, particularly in relation to each other, the story is very easy to get drawn into and I do enjoy spending time with it.

That's the strongest part of the book, the world. I am actually deeply fascinated by it and the magic. I want to know more about the magic.

Spoilers/Speculation:

✪ My issue with Alina as a main character is that I feel deeply disconnected to her, it's very annoying and I find that the main characters of Leigh Bardugo's Grishaverse in the trilogy at least toe the line of having to please everyone and be perfect all the time. It's annoying because it barely gives the characters any depth and makes it hard to know them. It's particularly problematic following Alina as a main character for three books and feeling that she is so fragmented. 

✪ Because of this divide between main characters and side characters, the side characters become way more fascinating and interesting to read about. The first one had some good ones, I feel the second one has even better ones and I am very pleased to be following their journey alongside Alina's.

✪ I don't want to spend my time hating on the Darkling. I could probably write an essay about how problematic he is. God. But he is trash and I wish him a quick death. I can't believe I'm going to have to read about him for two more books....

✪ For the second and third book I am hoping for more war and politics, it's what I was missing from the first one, because a big part of that book was spent on things I really didn't care about. So, please war and politics that is nuanced, please. 

✪ I'm mostly excited about reading the duolgy books, I've heard good things and yes I am excited. So I'm going to stop blogging now and run off to read some more so I can finally join the hype about the found family of criminals doing sneaky shit!

Set during a summer in New York at a prestigious art school, Felix Love, transgender, black and queer tries to navigate his teenage years. Then an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages and dead names him, and so, Felix comes up with a plan for revenge.

⭐⭐⭐⭐ 

This is a messy, fierce, heartfelt, sad, funny and such a goddamn important book it's making me a little giddy I was finally able to read it. This book man, it's going to be so life changing for so many queer, and particularly transgender kids out there, wow, it's just beautiful and it does make me almost tear up thinking about it. Some will have waited all their lives for this, not just kids and teenagers. Representation truly truly matters.

There was so much in this book that I related to for sure, the conversations that were so important in it, and doubting oneself's identity, damn, I've been there myself, hell sometimes I am even there today. It can be so hard, I know...

But apart from feeling like I recognised myself in these kids, it was mostly just the possibility this book gave me, to hang out with this bunch of awesome, cool, queer kids in summery New York that just made me so goddamn excited about life. Ghaaa I want to live in the social world again, go to parties, to dance until I can't anymore, to laugh with friends, to scream at the top of my lungs at Pride. I want life to be beautiful again.

I definitely wasn't a fan of everything going on in this book, but I don't want to spoil anyone, so I won't say what those things were. And even if there were things that I didn't like it didn't diminish my reading experience at all so it didn't even matter that much. It's still one of those books that I will think about a long time after, cherish and want to buy my own actual copy of, because the cover is gorgeous and there are certain things in it that I would love to be able to highlight. There is just so much to love in a book that has so much heart in it, but not just that, it's easy to read and very educational too, it's why it will be a book I will recommend to everyone while also crossing all my fingers and toes that netflix will pick it up and make it into a tv show. It would be so good for it!

I loved Ezra in this, I LOVED him so much aaaahhh. And Leah, she was awesome and of course beautiful brave Felix. I loved reading your story. Thank you. 

Now my reading marathon of Shadow and Bone series + duology beings so I can read all 5 books before the show airs on netflix in April. God, will I make it? I hope so!

I have to admit, I've been in a little bit of a reading slump in February. I mean to be honest, February is the most hateful month of the year, lol, yes my birthday is tomorrow and ageing is depressing as hell and I'm trying not to let it get to me that turning 25 in a pandemic sucks. 

Anyways, back to reading. The year started off well, I read three books in January and then chose to read Bonds of Brass and that derailed me completely... and now it's just lying in my ebooks unfinished, giving me anxiety. But I read this at least, even though it's taken like four weeks which can be pretty good for me but also terrible because I do still posses the ability to finish reading books in a week. I just rarely do that these days, I'm easily a distracted person, there is soooo much stuff on the internet ya know?

Okay, back to Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay. I've had this book for ages, and it's been in my bookcase for years just lying there gathering dust, which yes is admittedly depressing but I'm busy with other stuff sometimes that I forget, mainly being a mess, but I did get to it finally and my goal this year is to buy less new books and read the ones I have left neglected in my shelves here at home. 

This is an essay collection about Gay's life, her thoughts about race, feminism, rape culture and even pop culture.